There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
