her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So. Much. Porn.
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