Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
