mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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