He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
