Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So vagazzling was a success
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
