You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
