Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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