i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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