I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
