we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's always time for handjobs
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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