I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
