The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize