dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
