i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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