the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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