Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
