Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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