i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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