The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
