so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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