I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
