She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
