Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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