Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
