Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
