Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
