Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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