I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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