Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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