That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
