if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
