We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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