Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
