You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
