I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
