I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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