ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
zippers are such a cool invention
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
