so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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