I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
