i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
