This girl is more easily done than said...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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