The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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