Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
