I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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