You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
