We're like a lot better than the average bears
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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