I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
