I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
