you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
