they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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