so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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